## Highlights ### Location 38 > One of the coolest things I’ve discovered about potty training is that it’s your first glimpse into how your child learns. Every child learns—and therefore potty trains—a little differently, and you get great insight into your child’s learning methods and curve. - [Location 38](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=38) ### Location 149 > Remember, too, that children love consistency. All children, even adventurous children, love routine. Read it again. Sing it again. Build it again. Things we repeat feel safe to our kids. They know what to expect and are prepared. Spirited children, especially, need and crave routine. - [Location 149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=149) ### Location 168 > the longer you wait to potty train, the harder it gets. - [Location 168](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=168) ### Location 175 > Potty training is all you will be thinking about for at least a week or so. However, it will be—it should be—effortless on your child’s part. - [Location 175](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=175) ### Location 209 > It’s really hard to potty train children over three. They have free will, and they know how to use it. - [Location 209](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=209) ### Location 248 > words, the interest in using the toilet does not increase exponentially with time—it peaks and goes away. - [Location 248](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=248) ### Location 326 > • Does your child retreat to a corner or private place to poop? • Can your child recite the “ABC” song? • Can your child communicate his needs? By this I mean: Can your child somehow ask for water, juice, or milk when he’s thirsty? Can your child somehow ask for a snack when he’s hungry? Can your child throw a tantrum for candy at the market? Can your child throw a tantrum for just about anything? - [n] Signs a child is ready: - [Location 326](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=326) ### Location 437 > From the time you are done reading this book until you begin potty training, you should be letting your child come with you to pee and poop. It’s very important to have your child see that pooping is normal, it doesn’t hurt, and its existence doesn’t have to be veiled in secrecy. I highly suggest that if you or your partner is a New York Times kind of person, get things rolling by bringing your child with you. Have them sit on the floor and read, or you can read to them. - [Location 437](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=437) ### Location 583 > It saddens me when I hear people say, “Oh, she’s just doing that for attention.” Well, then pay attention. - [Location 583](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=583) ### Location 617 > Realistically, I can tell you it takes most people around seven to ten days. - [Location 617](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=617) ### Location 644 > Clear your social calendar for a week, starting with your start date. - [Location 644](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=644) ### Location 780 > The craziest thing about sleep is that a tired kid acts like a wired kid. So when it’s around seven in the evening, and you think your kid isn’t tired because he’s chasing the dog around in circles, you’re likely wrong. That kid is probably overtired. Another important sign of an overtired kid is if bedtime is a fiasco. - [Location 780](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=780) ### Location 785 > Fix sleep before beginning potty training. - [Location 785](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=785) ### Location 807 > Nothing is more frustrating to you or to your child than knowing he has to pee and making the move to the pot, only to get tied up in mangled attempts to get his pants down. - [Location 807](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=807) ### Location 810 > While teaching them how to use their pants, use the words “Push your pants down.” - [Location 810](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=810) ### Location 815 > “dressing party” has helped. Much like playing dress up clothes, spend an hour trying on outfits. Make it seem fun! Practice is the key here, and most kids at this age don’t get a whole lot of practice. And the pressure of a looming need to pee doesn’t make for the best learning, either. So set up some teaching time to get the pants down, literally and figuratively. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be this close to consistent pee in the potty and have the dang pants mess your child up! - [Location 815](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=815) ### Location 891 > Many parents—mostly renters or wooden-floor people—confine their child to the kitchen for a day or just until the child gets the basics down. - [Location 891](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=891) ### Location 1026 > has. From start date to self-initiation usually takes about three weeks for most kids, even superverbal communicators. - [Location 1026](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1026) ### Location 1055 > I’m particularly fond of having the parent say, “You did it,” and/or having the child say, “I did it!” This gives the success over to your child as theirs and, for some kids, has more impact - [Location 1055](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1055) ### Location 1076 > Use positive but simple language. “You are learning. You pooped on the floor. Next time, your poop goes in the potty.” - [Location 1076](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1076) ### Location 1218 > It takes the average toddler thirty seconds to hear, process, and respond. - [Location 1218](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1218) ### Location 1226 > Addressing inanimate objects is a great tool for the first month of potty training: “Do you want to show your bear how you pee? Let’s bring him to watch.” Kids love this. - [Location 1226](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1226) ### Location 1246 > If your child is capable of fighting for something she wants, she’s more than ready for potty training. - [Location 1246](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1246) ### Location 1264 > I’m a huge advocate of bringing the potty chair or insert in the car. It doesn’t weigh much and even if your kid poops, you just bring it home. Not much different than carrying around a poopy diaper. - [Location 1264](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1264) ### Location 1268 > The dad took the child out on trials runs all day on the second and third days. Seriously. They went to Target and the market and the library. All just for restroom practice. - [Location 1268](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1268) ### Location 1298 > Ninety percent of all resistance is caused by overprompting. So - [Location 1298](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1298) ### Location 1338 > If you are constantly at her—watching, hovering, trying to help—she has no room to make her potty use her own. - [Location 1338](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1338) ### Location 1361 > If your child indicates that he has to go pee, you drop everything and go! I don’t care where you are or what you’re doing. GO! You must respect your child in this regard. She can not wait a minute, she can not hold on. You’ve got five to ten seconds. So yes, if it means pulling over on I-95, that’s what you do. - [Location 1361](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1361) ### Location 1371 > If she calls out that she needs to pee, you would say as you’re running to her, “I’m coming, please hold it.” - [Location 1371](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1371) ### Location 1423 > tackling day and night at the same time is the better way to train. To - [Location 1423](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1423) ### Location 1444 > If your child is used to having a big glass of something with dinner, this habit needs to change. - [Location 1444](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1444) ### Location 1500 > My bottom line is that night training can be on the back burner until around three to three and a half. If it hasn’t naturally occurred by then, you must attend to it. The bladder is being developed at this age, and if it develops fully without the practice of holding and consolidating, those muscles will atrophy, and you will struggle indefinitely with bedwetting. - [Location 1500](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1500) ### Location 1583 > Kids tend to remember the last thing you said a little better; it just seems to stick. - [Location 1583](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1583) ### Location 1623 > A great phrase to use is: “I need to hear more pee.” For some reason, this resonates with kids better than “sit and finish your pee.” - [Location 1623](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1623) ### Location 1643 > Many parents use the Calm Jar in lieu of a time out: the child can shake it and watch the glitter settle, which is calming and relaxing and takes a minute. - [Location 1643](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1643) ### Location 1748 > That order can get mixed up, so make sure your kid is clear: Go. Pants. Sit. Pee. - [Location 1748](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1748) ### Location 1862 > Also, as long as you are talking, you are not letting your child talk to himself. Self-talk is crucial to language and thought development. Self-talk is what helps your child learn to control his impulses. Self-talk develops with your child and becomes his inner voice. Some experts suggest that children who develop strong self-talk skills make better choices throughout childhood. - [Location 1862](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1862) ### Location 1927 > One additional brilliant tip from a mom: carry Post-its in your purse. You can use them to cover up the automatic flusher sensor in public restrooms to prevent them from going off while your child is sitting on the potty. Because children are small, it’s not uncommon for the flusher to go off midpoop otherwise. Good luck getting your kid to use the toilet after that. - [Location 1927](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1927) ### Location 1953 > One final thought on accidents: do not put a diaper back on your child! I cannot state this enough. Once she is potty training, even in the beginning stages, putting a diaper on your child says one thing and one thing only: “I don’t trust you. I’m telling you all day that I know you can do it and I have confidence in you. But really, I don’t trust you.” This is extremely damaging to the whole process. If you don’t trust your child, she will never trust herself. - [Location 1953](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=1953) ### Location 2099 > Two years of age is also around the time that toddlers can start to get picky. They start showing food preferences, and it’s usually crappy food they prefer. - [Location 2099](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2099) ### Location 2210 > I ask women to laugh when they’re having a baby because it helps the process along; it also adds to oxytocin and endorphin levels. But on the converse, if someone is afraid or feels violated, for example, the sphincter can slam shut. - [Location 2210](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2210) ### Location 2234 > A really great trick is to get your child sitting for a poop and all of sudden think of something you need to do in the other room. Tell him to sit tight, you’ll be right back. Nine times out of ten, the child will poop when you are gone for a minute. - [Location 2234](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2234) ### Location 2236 > a huge telltale sign that it’s time to potty train right now is when your child goes somewhere specifically to poop. Don’t miss that window of opportunity! - [Location 2236](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2236) ### Location 2300 > Always use words like “let go,” “slide,” “let it out,” “drop”—think passive words. For kids, poop usually does tend to slide out and, in fact, they are doing much more work by holding it. Remind them that they can use either the little pot or the toilet insert. Some kids have a clear preference. Offer to read to them or just sit with them. - [Location 2300](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2300) ### Location 2340 > I’ve seen kids learn to meter out pee and poop to get more rewards, and I’ve seen candy create bigger power struggles during potty training. - [Location 2340](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2340) ### Location 2800 > When you have a kid who you know is playing you, the absolute best thing to do is give a small, immediate, appropriate consequence. For instance, take away the toy he was playing with when he wet his pants, or take him out of the activity in which he was engaged. Time-outs are usually not effective for “accidents,” nor are longer-term things like saying he can’t go to swim or dance class. If he has an accident in the morning, it doesn’t work to threaten to take away dessert after dinner. Toddlers just don’t have that extended a thought process. - [Location 2800](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2800) ### Location 2926 > What I find is a lot of parents emphasize the positive end of things (“only pee in the potty”), but they leave out the other part of the equation (“don’t pee anywhere else”). So, yes, you definitely want to stress the positive, but make sure you are being clear about what you don’t want as well. - [Location 2926](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=2926) ### Location 3336 > it’s shocking how often we think our children know that we love them. They still need to be told. And they need to be told that your heart has enough room for everyone in your family. - [Location 3336](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3336) ### Location 3490 > Have a “poop book” or two, which are books you keep by the potty or toilet and read only while pooping. - [Location 3490](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3490) ### Location 3516 > the anus is a sphincter muscle that opens with emotion. - [Location 3516](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3516) ### Location 3737 > • If your child is freaked out upon entering a public restroom, abandon the mission. Offer the car potty chair. Do not push this. - [Location 3737](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3737) ### Location 3753 > • Boxers work really well. - [Location 3753](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3753) ### Location 3842 > The other big fix is to start using a term for releasing the anus/sphincter muscles. Most kids really resonate with “your poop gate.” “Just open your poop gate and let the poop slide out.” Use passive words like slide as opposed to push. Using language like “open your poop gate” sends the message that this is something your child is in control of and that is super helpful for the child to know. - [Location 3842](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00V3L8YSU&location=3842)