Imagine calling some guy you’ve never met _“_brother_” —_ and meaning it. Sending letters carried via caravans and ships, sending gifts of gold and the fanciest treasures you can find, and even shipping off your daughter for him to marry. If you think about it a little bit sideways, it’s got NIGERIAN PRINCE SCAM written all over it, but in the ancient world it was pretty normal. Even before we had telephones or airplanes, ancient kings, traders, and seafarers managed to build long-distance relationships that were surprisingly robust and meaningful. These relationships spanned hundreds or even thousands of miles, with communication taking weeks or months one-way. Yet they mattered immensely to the people involved — politically, economically, and indeed emotionally. Most of my deepest friendships have been mediated mostly through the internet. I met my maid of honor through a writing group that has since evolved into a [nonprofit arts program](https://theubergroup.org). We’ve been friends for a decade. We first met when a bunch of her stuff got ruined while she was out of the country and I drove up to NYC to give her a book case for her new apartment. I see her in person sporadically — once a month at most, sometimes once every few years. Other friends from that writing group sent me gifts for holidays or celebrations and have only met me once or never, but we keep in touch. I care about them. The Obsidian community is another online community that has been deeply meaningful to my life. I’ve won awards, I’ve gotten jobs, I’ve developed connections and friendships with a great many people through it. And even though the vast majority of the people involved in the Obsidian community have not met in person, we _are_ a community. We have shared rituals, we’ve exchanged prestige goods, and many of us have hung large parts of our identity on the tools we use. The weird part of this is that it is not weird at all. Long-distance communities of people bound by remarkably few (if any) in-person bonding opportunities are _not_ new, they’ve existed since before the dawn of civilization. Long-distance communities in the ancient world functioned largely through the exchange of prestigious goods, letters, and daughters (which I am not going to write about today, see my previous articles about [diplomatic marriages in the Levant](https://www.eleanorkonik.com/p/ancient-princesses-ambassador) and [the Eurasian steppes](https://www.eleanorkonik.com/p/on-the-diplomacy-of-steppe-princesses). All I’ll say on the topic is that these kinship ties _mattered_ to people). Ancient kings, traders, and explorers kept social bonds alive across vast distances, and constructed deeply meaningful group identities doing it. ## Ancient Kings As early civilizations grew, intensified long-distance trade brought new ideas, basic commodities, and exotic materials like copper from long distances away. Trade established [political—and sometimes ritual—ties](https://gohighbrow.com/the-origins-of-civilization) between distant communities. One of the main ways ancient peoples maintained long-distance relationships was by exchanging prestige goods — rare, exotic, or symbolically important items that conferred status on the receiver. These were not everyday trade goods for profit; they were gifts or high-value exchanges that acted as social glue. By sending a gorgeous piece of lapis lazuli from Afghanistan to a pharaoh in Egypt, or trading Baltic amber to a Mycenaean Greek chieftain, far-flung elites signaled mutual respect and friendship. The Late Bronze Age _Amarna Letters_ — clay tablets recording correspondence between Egyptian pharaohs and other Near Eastern kings — are full of polite flattery and gift lists. A typical letter might have the Pharaoh bragging about sending “gold in great quantity” and fine linens, expecting silver and lapis lazuli in return from his Mesopotamian counterpart. These were not straightforward business deals; they were gestures of alliance. Egyptian rulers depended heavily on gift exchanges with other rulers to maintain diplomacy​, although they were considered outliers for not being willing to marry off their daughters. Regardless, gifts weren’t just gifts; they had symbolic weight. Sending cedar wood from Lebanon to Egypt wasn’t just about the _wood_ — it was representative of the Lebanese city-states’ loyalty and the Pharaoh’s prestige. Possessing a rare item from a far land was a status symbol, yes, but it also implied a relationship: “Look, I have this fancy thing because I have friends in distant places.” These prestige goods became conversation pieces across cultures, much like modern professionals might bond by swapping corporate swag or memorabilia from overseas — they’re small tokens that say “we’re part of the same network.” An internet friend of mine came to visit around my birthday in December, and he brought me this really cool Japanese mug that was made during the Occupation era. Like the [art I mentioned being irreplaceable by AI](https://www.eleanorkonik.com/p/ai-cannot-replace-genuine-human-connection), it’s exactly the kind of prestige good that cannot be mass-produced and bought off of Amazon because what it _represents_ (friendship, thoughtfulness) matters as much as what it _is._ When I bought my mom a silk kimono _when I was in Japan_ (the kind you wear to your wedding, not just a generic silk robe) it was a _conversation piece_ more than just an expensive thing to have. It’s easy to get caught up in the things that ancient royal did — they left the best records, after all — but not all prestige exchanges were royal. ## Not Just the Royals Not all long-distance relationships in antiquity were orchestrated by kings and elites; many were upheld by regular seafarers and traders through ritualized exchange systems. For example, merchants and travelers and regular people in societies with relatively flat social hierarchies also partook in gift-giving to grease the wheels of commerce and hospitality. In many cultures, a trader arriving from afar would present local leaders with gifts before doing business, establishing trust. The example I picked up from _Beyond the Blue Horizon_ by Bryan Fagan is the Kula ring of the Trobriand Islanders in the Southwest Pacific. In the Kula exchange, communities across many islands formed a vast circle of partnerships by trading shell valuables in a strictly ceremonial way. These items – ornate shell necklaces and armbands – had no practical use (you didn’t wear or spend them) but carried immense social value. Every exchange had elaborate rules and rituals, and bonded men into lifelong partnerships. In most traditional societies, people trusted primarily their family or clan. What long-distance trade networks did was to extend trust to outsiders by formalizing them as something like family. Much like the [Near Eastern kings calling each other “brother,”](https://www.turkishmuseums.com/blog/detail/do-you-know-worlds-first-international-peace-treaty/) merchants in some cultures swore brotherhood pacts or became “blood brothers” in ceremony to solidify their business partnership. It was the first thing I thought of when NFTs were getting to be a big deal? Like the ancient exchange of turquoise or lapis lazuli, Bored Ape images had little (no) intrinsic practical use. Their primary value was in signaling membership in an elite group — for example, some crypto tokens got you access to exclusive discord communities. The point was demonstrating that the token holder could afford and display this expensive, limited-edition token. Social signalling isn’t some dumb thing only idiots do — [social signalling is really useful to social animals](https://www.eleanorkonik.com/p/social-signalling-realistic-symbolism), actually. It is almost always valuable to be able to easily declare who you are to the world, which is one of the reasons Derek Guy is so popular on Twitter. He speaks to that human impulse and helps people decode that language. Before NFTs it was signed baseball cards, but as a phenomenon it goes back thousands of years. Maybe tens of thousands of years. Maybe even hundreds. [Otzi the Iceman had tattoos](https://www.si.edu/stories/ancient-ink-iceman-otzi-has-worlds-oldest-tattoos), after all. If nothing else, this kind of visible-at-a-glance social signalling helps you find compatible friends and mates — a nontrivial task even in the golden age of OK Cupid (RIP). It’s hard to wrap our capitalist[[#footnote-1|1]], western brains around it, but gift economies were a whole _thing._ Entire societies ran off of obligations and relationships and giving things away to show status. I personally first learned about the concept in [Anne McCaffrey’s](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/PTY/petaybee-trilogy/) _[Peytabee](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/PTY/petaybee-trilogy/)_ [series](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/PTY/petaybee-trilogy/) (not an affiliate link) but they’re based on a real thing [(potlaches) in Native American communities in the Pacific Northwest](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potlatch). Most of the time, a gift either encourages or demands a counter-gift eventually, tying the two parties into a cycle of exchange and contact. Over time, such cycles can link entire networks of communities. The Silk Road is a common example. I’m still working my way through _The Silk Roads_ by [[#footnote-2|2]], but it’s an interesting book precisely _because_ it treats all the cultures along those trade routes as one unit. Farther back, in the Bronze Age, luxury materials like amber, jade, seashells, and finely wrought metalwork moved through vast interlinked trade webs, connecting Europe, Africa, and Asia. Scholars call it a “prestige-goods economy” where elites maintained power by controlling these long-distance goodies and the alliances they represented​. In effect, prestige goods were the social media of the ancient world’s elite — a medium to broadcast status and maintain connections across great distances. ## Long Distance Letters Ok, I said I wasn’t going to dwell on it, but it’s hard to talk about letters without also talking about intermarriage. A foreign princess in Egypt might keep correspondence with her family back home, acting as a cultural bridge. The children born of these international marriages had mixed heritage, potentially laying the groundwork for future understanding between peoples. These marriages were strategic, but they also _humanized_ international relations. When a Hittite princess came to Egypt to marry Ramses II after the Egyptian–Hittite peace treaty, the two royal families exchanged years of warm letters. Rhetoric like “there was no border between Hatti and Egypt – the two lands were one family now” is pretty idealistic, but I think it’s a mistake to dismiss it as “just words.” Maybe the common people didn’t pay that much attention to it, but there was at least an aspiration that long-distance alliances could make different peoples feel bonded like one community. And honestly, when the British Prince Harry married [Meghan of California](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meghan,_Duchess_of_Sussex), it was a big deal. Leaders before the information age were able to do “networking” in a very literal way: forging a web of kin across countries. A king’s family tree might stretch from the Mediterranean to Mesopotamia. Those ties _mattered_ — even when they never saw their daughter again, or never met their grandson. It wasn’t just the genetic ties, these were formalized pacts maintained by regular communication: letters and envoys bearing news. Like the gifts and birthday cards an aunt from out of state might send when the kids are too young to easily visit, they keep the connection alive. Modern professional networks are full of people who rarely meet, but still consider each other allies or collaborators. The difference is that instead of LinkedIn or group chats, ancients used marriage ceremonies and diplomatic couriers. But the goal was similar: turn a distant stranger into someone you have a stake in — ideally, someone you can call “brother.” ## Further Reading - If you’re curious about the exact moment I had the idea for this article, check out [last Thursday’s livestream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtVxLz5CJHQ&t=126s) where I reviewed some of my notes from _[Beyond the Blue Horizon](https://amzn.to/3CM7rYb)_ [by Brian Fagan](https://amzn.to/3CM7rYb). Yes, that’s an affiliate link; so’s the next one. - A lot of the underpinnings for my thoughts here come from _[Brotherhood of Kings](https://amzn.to/3CPQ090)_ [by Amanda Podany](https://amzn.to/3CPQ090), which I enjoyed reading and can recommend if you have any interest in diplomacy in the ancient Levant. [[#footnote-anchor-1|1]] This is not a criticism of capitalism, by the way. I _like_ having indoor plumbing, and air conditioning, and drugs to restart my heart if [it beats too fast for too long](https://x.com/EleanorKonik/status/1890203677434212454). [[#footnote-anchor-2|2]] I went through some of my notes for _[The Silk Roads](https://www.youtube.com/live/Vy7V_OBpiTQ?si=7qIPRMi7dFViEq4g)_ [on a previous edition of my “treadmill throwbacks” livestream series](https://www.youtube.com/live/Vy7V_OBpiTQ?si=7qIPRMi7dFViEq4g), if you’re curious about what I learned and want to watch me brainstorm while I walk on a treadmill. Exercise gets the brain moving! Reviewing notes keeps my mind off the exercise.